Thought Vomit Thursday

Can you believe it's TVT again?  It seems that every other post I write is a TVT, so either I need to post more, or just get used to thought vomit as the format for all of my posts.  Oh wait, it already is.  So here goes.

- I am not so good at the Photoshop.  I've tried to figure it out but mostly I just screw up the pictures and then close them without saving the ridiculous changes.  Right now I am attempting to make a scrapbook of L's first year of life but I don't really know where to get that sucker printed so I am resorting to the online one you can select in Photoshop.  That is, I'm waiting for my 80 iPhone photos to upload into that program right now.  Perhaps I need a new computer as well.

-  L woke up at 7:30 this morning, which I realize is not that early but I was fucking tired and tried to get the Hubs to get up with him and let me sleep for just 30 more minutes.  He wouldn't do it and I turned into a holy terror on his ass.  Okay, I was being slightly unreasonable, and I probably should have kissed him goodbye when he left for work.  I'm a Scorpio.  It's a curse and a blessing.

-  I'm not sure what is going on with my jugs, but they seem to be trying to wean L on their own.  He seems to be constantly hungry and when I try to pump, I am getting hardly anything.  This normally wouldn't be a problem, but this mama is going to NYC in a couple weeks and leaving the baby at home!  So he needs some milky.  I have a few bags in the freezer and am trying to make myself pump a few times a day to increase my supply, but I am already having self dialogue to reassure my brain that he will be 10 months by that time and I am feeling okay about formula for the weekend if needs be.

-  So YEAH... I'm going to NYC bitches!!!  Woot woot!!  I am on the western half of the United States so New York is not just a place I can go to regularly.  I've never been.  And I'm SO excited!!!  Every time I see it on a show I get all giddy!  I watched "Friends With Benefits" the other day (fucking hilarious!) and there's a whole section of the show where she is showing him around New York.  It made me happy in my pants.  P.S. Eastern half of the US... I have been to Las Vegas a lot though.  You should go there.  I'll meet you.

-  Back to the weight loss sitch.  It's not going very well.

Thought Vomit Thursday

- Why do people say "Shut the front door!"?  Where did that come from?  Why can't they just say "Shut the fuck up?"  Is this the G version of the X rated version?  I don't get it.  I may have said it before though, but I still don't get it.

- There's this time at night that is my favorite.  The kids are in bed, Hubs and I are getting our shit together to go to bed.  Inevitably, I find some reason to go downstairs to our kitchen and then wander in to my kids' rooms to give them one last kiss and stare.  I love it.  My house is so peaceful and you can almost feel the love in the air.  Strike that, you can feel the love in the air.  It's magical.

- I am still in the funk.  I met with my counselor again last night and discussed my mental state.  When I decided to go on meds for depression, they gave me the lowest dose possible because I am still breast feeding.  My counselor let me know that this dose is like crazy low so the fact that I am still having a rough time is pretty understandable.  We discussed increasing the dose, but I am just not willing to do it until I wean L, which won't be for at least a couple of months.  We discussed the differences between my anxiety and depression and how they are ultimately triggering each other.  We also discussed how the Hubs can help me with these problems.  The worst thing is that he just does NOT understand depression or anxiety and so he gets kind of fed up with me being overwhelmed and/or stressed because he thinks my life is pretty awesome.  My life is kind of amazing, but depression and anxiety don't give a flying fuck about that.  They come regardless, kind of like a beer belly (which I also have.)  Anyway, the bottom line is we talked it out and got some ideas on how I can stay in a more manageable state of mind.  We also talked about how this bullshit does not, in fact, make me defective.  Because sometimes I feel that way.  Ironic, no?

- I have some good things coming up though and the weather has been great, so I've been able to be outside and am consistently working out.  So there's that.

- Is this post super depressing?

- Did anyone ever watch Ally McBeal?  There's this one episode where she and John Fish sniff each other's butts when they are kids because that's what dogs do.  I can't remember the deets of that episode but every time I see Calista Flockhart on tv or in a magazine, I picture her sniffing a guys butt.