Random Weekend Conversations

1.  When I was a teenager and possibly into my early 20's, I may or may not have indulged in an herbal drug occasionally.  I started dating a guy who used this particular herb 4 or 5 times a day.  He's not exactly the guy I brag about dating, but he was sweet and became my boyfriend for a few months.  One day I decided that we should partake of the herb and have intercourse.  (Don't you love it when people call it intercourse?)  I hadn't really had a lot of intercourse up until this boyfriend, so it was like a new experience to plan it around something as outstanding as drugs. 
After the partaking, I immediately wanted pizza.  I mean, who wouldn't?  So we ordered a pizza and I convinced boyfriend to massage my calves.  I have no idea why.  Then I fell asleep with the pizza on my chest.  He tried to wake me for the intercourse and I slapped his hand away and went back to pizza dreamland.  Oops.

2.  It appears that I base my initial like or dislike of people on whether or not they think I'm funny.  I met a girl awhile ago that laughed at my jokes all night and I immediately wanted to make out with her.  Then another weekend I met a girl who thought everything that came out of my mouth was super UN-funny and I really hated that bitch.  So if you want to be my BFF, you better fucking laugh at my jokes dick.

3.  I am now crying at everything and I leak pee.  Laughing, crying, sneezing or coughing equals peeing in my pantaloons.  Fun.