Fat Mouth

Have I ever told you about how I have a big, fat mouth?  Not fat like overweight (although slowly getting there) but fat like I say things that get me in trouble.  A lot.  Like a lot, a lot.

One time I said the following words to a girl I had just met: "How can you be so skinny and have such a big ass?"

I meant it as a compliment. 

And I was drunk. 

But she wasn't. 

I mean, who doesn't want a big old awesome booty?  I have done a gazillion squats and lunges at the gym to try and beef mine up.

For those of you that are all, whatev! take some of my butt then, I have to tell you that in my case, the grass IS greener on the other side.  I get BELLY fat which is like a million times worse than butt fat. 

It just is.  I swear.  No bikinis, no tight shirts, no way of hiding it really.

But I digress.  The other day at work, I opened my big fat mouth again.  I told a co-worker something that was confidential and really just inappropriate.  As soon as the words escaped my krispie kreme lips, I regretted them.  (And then proceeded to kick my own tiny ass.)

I felt bad all day and then decided to tell my boss that I had screwed up.  Who knows if he would have ever found out but the guilt was tormenting me and I figured it was best to come clean and admit that I am an idiot and possibly should be fired.  (Ok, I don't think I should be fired, but that's how guilty I felt.)

So I told him (over email) and tomorrow will face what comes next.  It sucks when you know better but still fuck up, but I guess that never ends.  Hopefully we get better at it, but it's bound to happen sometimes right? 

This is the part where you tell me how badly you've screwed up and how I did the right thing by fessing up.


and go....