Fat Mouth

Have I ever told you about how I have a big, fat mouth?  Not fat like overweight (although slowly getting there) but fat like I say things that get me in trouble.  A lot.  Like a lot, a lot.

One time I said the following words to a girl I had just met: "How can you be so skinny and have such a big ass?"

I meant it as a compliment. 

And I was drunk. 

But she wasn't. 

I mean, who doesn't want a big old awesome booty?  I have done a gazillion squats and lunges at the gym to try and beef mine up.

For those of you that are all, whatev! take some of my butt then, I have to tell you that in my case, the grass IS greener on the other side.  I get BELLY fat which is like a million times worse than butt fat. 

It just is.  I swear.  No bikinis, no tight shirts, no way of hiding it really.

But I digress.  The other day at work, I opened my big fat mouth again.  I told a co-worker something that was confidential and really just inappropriate.  As soon as the words escaped my krispie kreme lips, I regretted them.  (And then proceeded to kick my own tiny ass.)

I felt bad all day and then decided to tell my boss that I had screwed up.  Who knows if he would have ever found out but the guilt was tormenting me and I figured it was best to come clean and admit that I am an idiot and possibly should be fired.  (Ok, I don't think I should be fired, but that's how guilty I felt.)

So I told him (over email) and tomorrow will face what comes next.  It sucks when you know better but still fuck up, but I guess that never ends.  Hopefully we get better at it, but it's bound to happen sometimes right? 

This is the part where you tell me how badly you've screwed up and how I did the right thing by fessing up.


and go....

My New Drug

A couple weeks ago, I thought I felt the baby move.  I pretty much always either have gas or have to poop though so I couldn't be sure if it was the delight of my uterus or my intestines that I was actually feeling.

I kept paying close attention, however, and the movements have gotten stronger and easier to recognize.  By last week, I was sure that it was actually the human moving and began to try to feel him move from the outside as well. 

And now I'm obsessed.

Anytime he moves, I am like a junkie with a needle... that's all I can focus on.  If I don't feel movement for a little while, I start jabbing my fingers into my guts to try and get a little wiggle out of him.  Hubs was able to feel some movement on Saturday night (which was also my birthday and we were staying at a romantic bed and breakfast at the time.  I know right?)

You see, this is one of those moments, one of the feelings and experiences you pray for in the throes of infertility.  I remember many cries when all I could think about was how I longed to feel little feet kicking me from the inside, and how I thought I was never again going to be able to live through that and know the magic that it brings to your heart.

And now it's mine.  And I get to keep it for four and a half more months.  And I could probably die from the happiness. 

As if I Have a Say

Since it has been so long since I was pregnant (successfully,)  I sort of thought that this pregnancy would go a certain way.  For example, I know that people say you show a lot earlier with subsequent pregnancies, but I thought since it had been awhile and I was a rock star triathlete* and worker outer over the last few years that my muscles were probably back to normal shape and I wouldn't show early.  WRONG.  I think I started showing at about 8 weeks.  Of course, I was also a champion beer drinker over the last few years so I also weighed about 10 more pounds starting out this time.

I was never sick a single day with my first pregnancy.  Sure I got a little nauseous here and there, but nothing consistent and I never actually threw up.  I've heard of ladies who hurl their whole first pregnancy and then pregnancies after that seem to go more smoothly.  Well, yesterday, I started coughing (oh because I've been sick for 4 weeks now) and when I coughed up some goo, it set off my gag reflex and I started vomiting in the kitchen sink.  So it was a combination cough and throw up that sent my poor son and husband running in to check on me because it sounded like I might be dying. 

Oh yeah and during the cough/vomit fest, I peed my pants.

So it's turned out to be a less than glamorous pregnancy for me, but on the upside, my skin looks great and I'm growing a human.  So... I've got that going for me.  Which is nice.


*Ok so I only did 2 sprint triathlons and I really sucked at them, but I think you qualify as a rock star if you finish.

Sometimes You Just Need to be Right

And sometimes you just need somebody to tell you that you ARE right.  Or maybe I just need that.  I don't know.

Hubs and I have been together for nearly 11 years.  The first few years we were pretty good about squelching fights and being nice to each other.

Then we had a rough patch.

I mean a really, really rough patch.  Like kick you in the balls and spit on your head type of thing.  I won't be specific but it's kind of a wonder that we're still together.  (Oh yeah and I don't really have balls.)

After the rough patch, we recommitted ourselves to our marriage and our child and promised that we would never put each other through something like that again.

And now we are super committed to each other but we fight.  A lot.  Like a lot, a lot.

I think it's mostly because we are both really stubborn and feel like we need to stand our grand with one another.  I do that because I felt like he bossed me around in the beginning and I, trying to be the peacemaker, just accepted that but then resented him for it.  Of course I can't speak for him but I think he does it because he's just naturally very aggressive and a leader and ok, a little old fashioned.

But I digress.  Last night we had a whopper of a fight.  It was over something really stupid and at some points in the argument, I thought maybe, possibly I might just be a little hormonal and oversensitive, but damn it, that's what I was feeling and I wasn't going to just blame it on myself.

I slept on the couch.

This morning, Hubs asked me if I could meet him for coffee before work (after not speaking all morning.)  I did and after nearly finishing my coffee, he finally spoke:

"I was wrong."

That's what he said.  "I was wrong."

I think my heart stopped beating for a second and I may have simultaneously peed my pants and threw up in my mouth a little.  Then of course I cried and instantly forgave him.  (You can assume from this response that he doesn't admit to being at fault very often.)

Sometimes you just need someone to acknowledge your feelings and swallow their pride.  It made me love him just a little bit more.  

Disturbing

You know what isn't awesome? 

Nipple hairs.  And mustaches on girls.

I remember when I was young and sexy and skinny and stuff.  That was fun.  But now it's all, gotta shave my pubes and pluck my nipple hairs and maybe I'll wash my face today.  I should probably do that.  Yeah and while I'm at it, maybe run a razor across my legs and armpits.

My husband says he thinks I'm sexy no matter what and even if I get a 70's bush, he'll still want to bone me.  But I think that's his way of blatantly lying in the hopes that his "unconditional" boner will inspire me to keep a razor and some deodorant on hand.

I still manage to wash my hair every other day and get my laundry done every other weekend.  So I'm calling that good for a 30-something preggo with a kid and a full time job.  (Ok, ok, it's only 30 hours a week, but technically that's full time.)

F U Wei.ght Wat.chers

Want to hear something amazing? 

I haven't gained any weight.... Like not a pound since I've been pregnant.

Want to hear something amazinger?

Today I have eaten a fried chicken sandwich, french fries, orange juice, Squirt, sour patch watermelons and lemonheads.

I know right?

I'm sure it'll catch up to me at some point, but it appears right now in this moment, I can eat whatever the fuck I want and my body's all "nice, let me just digest that for you and not put any weight on your ass."

It's the little things ya know?

Good Thing I Saved All the Blue Stuff

It's a boy!!

A beautiful, healthy, alive and kicking little boy.  I love him.

Guess What Today Is?

Ultrasound day!  Seriously.  I am 16 weeks today and they will do a gender check for me at my appointment today.

I am so excited I can't sit still. 

My son is coming with us to the appointment and so is my mom.  My son has been counting down the days and can barely stand it. 

I just can't believe it's happening. 

Before I left for work, I used the doppler to check for the heartbeat.  Just in case.

It was still there.

I think I'm having a baby!