Thought Vomit Thursday

- Why do people say "Shut the front door!"?  Where did that come from?  Why can't they just say "Shut the fuck up?"  Is this the G version of the X rated version?  I don't get it.  I may have said it before though, but I still don't get it.

- There's this time at night that is my favorite.  The kids are in bed, Hubs and I are getting our shit together to go to bed.  Inevitably, I find some reason to go downstairs to our kitchen and then wander in to my kids' rooms to give them one last kiss and stare.  I love it.  My house is so peaceful and you can almost feel the love in the air.  Strike that, you can feel the love in the air.  It's magical.

- I am still in the funk.  I met with my counselor again last night and discussed my mental state.  When I decided to go on meds for depression, they gave me the lowest dose possible because I am still breast feeding.  My counselor let me know that this dose is like crazy low so the fact that I am still having a rough time is pretty understandable.  We discussed increasing the dose, but I am just not willing to do it until I wean L, which won't be for at least a couple of months.  We discussed the differences between my anxiety and depression and how they are ultimately triggering each other.  We also discussed how the Hubs can help me with these problems.  The worst thing is that he just does NOT understand depression or anxiety and so he gets kind of fed up with me being overwhelmed and/or stressed because he thinks my life is pretty awesome.  My life is kind of amazing, but depression and anxiety don't give a flying fuck about that.  They come regardless, kind of like a beer belly (which I also have.)  Anyway, the bottom line is we talked it out and got some ideas on how I can stay in a more manageable state of mind.  We also talked about how this bullshit does not, in fact, make me defective.  Because sometimes I feel that way.  Ironic, no?

- I have some good things coming up though and the weather has been great, so I've been able to be outside and am consistently working out.  So there's that.

- Is this post super depressing?

- Did anyone ever watch Ally McBeal?  There's this one episode where she and John Fish sniff each other's butts when they are kids because that's what dogs do.  I can't remember the deets of that episode but every time I see Calista Flockhart on tv or in a magazine, I picture her sniffing a guys butt.