Thought Vomit Thursday

Oh Thought Vomit Thursday, how I have missed you!  Well obviously not enough to actually write a TVT post, well, until today.  So here goes.  Vomit spewing forth...

- The last two face washes that I have bought (and fell in love with) were both discontinued.  WTF?  Don't they know my tender skin needs that shit?  So anyhoo I had to try yet ANOTHER new face wash and it turned out to be an exfoliating type.  Right on the directions it told me to avoid the eye area.  (Pause for effect.)  The eye area.  Um HELLO?  That's where a majority of my makeup goes.  Doesn't this FACE wash understand that I am not one of those ladies that can wear her mascara twice in a row and still look fabulous?  Maybe it should have been called Nose, Cheek and Forehead Wash.

-  I'm still reading the mommy porn.  Yep, I downloaded AND paid for 3 terrible books.  I don't know if it's been mentioned, but these books contain a lot of sex.  Like a lot.  So much that sometimes I get bored reading about it and skip the latest sex scene.  Me.  I skip it.  Anyway my husband is quite intrigued about how I am reading so much porn but not wanting to do it more.  He is convinced that I am just home all day alternating between reading and masturbating.  Not true at all.  Except the other night.  He told me an hour before one of our friend's birthday party that he was going to it.  I was all huffy because I thought it was rude that he wouldn't plan ahead so we could both attend, rather he left me at home (until 2:30 am I might add) by myself with no babysitter and only mommy porn.  So I masturbated.  I masturbated hard.  And the whole time I was thinking about how this was Spiteful Masturbation.  Done on purpose so that I would get some sort of sexual gratification and he wouldn't.  And of course, at 2:30 am, he comes home, wants to get jiggy with it, and I was like, NOPE!  I'm all good thanks.  I didn't tell him.  I just reveled in my secret spite skills.  Side note: Spiteful Masturbation is a great band name.

-  I am not one of those girls that can easily pull off a strapless dress.  I have quite a large bosom and I always end up with that armpit roll just to the sides of my ladies.  What is the deal with the armpit roll?  How does one fix that little sitch?

-  Awhile back I read a post by Elizabeth at Many Many Moons about how she fell down the stairs naked.  (I tried to find it to link but couldn't and/or am just too impatient.)  Anyway, it was hilarious and it was about how she accidentally slept naked one night.  Then about a week or so ago, I was lying in bed and my underoos were really bothering me.  So, I thought about Elizabeth as I stripped my clothes off in bed.  (That sounds kinky but it isn't.)  It felt pretty great to sleep in the nude.  The next night, I thought about it again, but I have this fear that my 8-year-old will come in my room and see my ladies.  So this night I went with a tank top but still nothing on the bottom.  And now I'm hooked.  I literally cannot sleep with underwear on now.  When Hubs finally figured out that I was in the buff from the waist down, he automatically assumed I was coming on to him.  Au contraire!  I'm just a large, sweaty, fat prego and I don't want elastic around my waist at night.

So there you go.  I have discussed all matters inappropriate, which interestingly enough, is the most appropriate thing to do on Thought Vomit Thursday.

The end.