Return

Holy geez dudes, I feel like I've been away forever!!  I'm glad to be back online and catching up with you guys.  Woo hoo!!

So here's some retro fucked up IF nonsense that has snuck up on me... My brother-in-law is a serial monogamist.  He has long term girlfriends that usually last a year or two, just long enough for us to think they are serious, and then they break up.  He's been dating current girlfriend for about 5 months now and from the first time I met her, I could tell they were more serious about each other than any other gf I've seen him with.  Turns out they were talking marriage clear back in month 2.  Fast forward to Thanksgiving weekend when they announce their accidental pregnancy.  She's 9 weeks and they are planning on getting married after the baby comes.  Honestly, I am really happy for him.  I'm glad he's found a woman he wants to be with, but I am more than a little shocked that it came this quickly and with this particular girl.  She has a 15 month old already so their kids will be 22 months apart.  They both have good careers and will be great parents, but something about the announcement still felt like a punch to the gut. 

It made me feel defective again.

I've been with my husband for nearly 12 years and every pregnancy we've accomplished has been work and 3 times, they have been utter heartache.  So even though this pregnancy will end in happiness, it still felt overwhelming and sad to me.  Just for me.  If that makes sense.

Anyway, on to happier things... L is so close to crawling!!  He scoots around in an army crawl already and is getting up on his knees and rocking back and forth.  He still hasn't cut a tooth but I can tell it's going to happen any day.  He chews on everything and gets super feisty as he shoves my finger in his mouth and chomps down on it.  He keeps getting random fevers and he is the cutest little drool monster ever.  Bugs is doing great and is starting a basketball league this week.  It's the first time we've tried basketball, so it should be fun!  We set up our Christmas decorations tonight (sans the tree... we are going to get a live one this year and want to wait another week or so.)  All in all, the holidays are starting out great for us.  I can already tell that I'm going to have to start eating more salads soon or plan on gaining back all the weight I lost.

Peace and ba-lessings!

I'm my own Pavlov's dog (or something)

Huh, I just noticed at the top of my screen that it says some parts of Blogger might not work on my browser and that I should upgrade.  I'm fairly certain that has been there every time I've logged in and I've just ignored it.  So apparently it's my own damn fault that I can't comment adequately on your blogs.  Son of a bitch.  I hate it when it's my fault. 

But anyway, I know you guys love hearing about my period so here you go.  I got my period AGAIN this month.  I can't believe how bad it sucks balls to be still breastfeeding all the fucking time and yet still getting a period every month.  Sorry L, Mommy can't feed you right now.  Mommy has to go change her lady products AGAIN.

Ok gross, sorry.  My point is that it is weird to be back in the space where I'm getting periods every month and wondering if I'm pregnant every month.  You think after all the SHIT I have been through with my body that I would not be worried for a second about being pregnant, but I'm right back in that 22-year-old mindset where I think Oh we haven't used any birth control this month, I am going to get pregnant!  WTF BU?  Don't you know by now that YOU ARE YOUR OWN BIRTH CONTROL???

Apparently I don't.  I still wonder every single month.  It's so weird.

Crazy Sauce

This week has been quite the roller coaster for me.  Remember how yesterday I said I was a grown up?  Well apparently that was fleeting or not taking my current mental state into account.  I don't know if the meds are leveling off or what but I should probably carry a cu cu clock (how the fuck do you spell coo coo clock?) around so when I get all nut jobby it can start chiming COO COO!!  COO COO!!  Or CU CU!! CU CU!! Whatevs.

Anyhoo, I'm crazy and unpredictable and probably crying a little too much.  If my period decides to start on time this month then I am right in line for PMS so hopefully that is it and I will return to normally scheduled programming soon.

So here's what has happened this week that has caused me to vary between fits of rage and tears...

- Most of the electrical shit in my car has decided to stop working.  My window doesn't roll down, my heater continues not to work correctly, and now my lighter, overhead lights and radio have stopped working.  WTF?

- I have a stye.  In my eye.  Like an inflamed engorged clogged oil gland on my lash line that is swollen and looks like I have some mutant disease.  People can't even look me in the eye right now because they are afraid my horrendous eye infection is going to leap out of my face and onto their own eyes.  Which is totally unpractical but I get it.  I don't like looking in my own eye right now.

- Bugs woke up with a stomach ache today and one thing I have learned over the years is when he says he is going to throw up, believe him.  Otherwise I end up with puke in my debilitated car.  Well apparently he  has caught on to this concept because when I came downstairs from getting ready he was on the couch eating a giant bag of sour patch kids.  When I told him he needed to go to school if he felt better, his stomach ache promptly returned.

Well I guess that's it really.  Maybe I should stop whining because it's really not that bad.  Or I can look into my back up plan that involves wine.

I'm Mature for My Age

Guess what dudes?  I am kind of becoming a grown up.  Shocking I know!  This weekend I was in a little funk because the hubster was working all hours of day and night.  He came home and I was annoyed with him and really mostly just tired and missing him.  But instead of getting all 12 year old on his ass and whining and bitching and guilt tripping him, I just stayed in my room and watched a gazillion episodes of Say Yes to the Dress.  Side note, OMG how can people spend 30 thousand dollars on a wedding gown???  Additional side note, I have started asking the hubs if we can renew our wedding vows because I want to buy a wedding gown.

Then yesterday he took like 3 naps because he was tired so again I was on my own.  But I stayed true to my mature self and just let him do his thing.  Then this morning he was all why do you hate me and why aren't we connecting?  And I was like dude, I think we need to go on a date and get in touch with each other again.  He agreed and we made date plans for tomorrow.

So here's a recap...
1- Hubs pissed me off.
2- I realized I was being pissy.
3- I kept to myself and got over it.
4- I proposed a solution.
5- I feel better.
6- I have a date tomorrow.
7- I am clearly awesome.
8- Anyone want to go to New York and try on wedding gowns with me?

Next, it's my birthday this weekend and I'm going to be the big 3-3.  That's just 2 years away from advanced maternal age.  So I'm doing what any old mom would do... treating myself to a spa day and a psychic reading of course. 

TVT

- I went to Cost.co on Monday and it was the first time I've been in forever and a day.  I spent over $350 if that tells you anything.  It was nice to fill my pantry again and even nicer that I could afford it due to the budget we made and are sticking to.  It sucked balls when midway through the trip L decided he'd had enough of being in the carseat in the basket and I had to carry his cute little ass for the last 40 minutes of the trip. 
 
- Speaking of said trip, I bought some generic fabric softeners from there and they are reeking up my entire house!  I mean I want shit to smell good and all but damn! I can't walk past my laundry room without thinking of a grandma with too much perfume that makes me wanna vomit.
 
- I'm all for farting and everything.  I mean, everyone does it.  But I think there's a time and a place AND I also think just because you know someone well, does NOT mean you have to just rip ass in front of them.  Over the weekend, my 21-year-old nephew just kept farting and farting in front of anyone that was at the house.  The first time or two maybe I snickered a little like a 12 year old, but after 3 days I was like, "DUDE JUST GO TAKE A SHIT ALREADY!!"
 
- I can't believe I haven't told you dudes about how bendy and awesome I am in the car now.  I discovered that if I sit next to L and hang my left boob out, I can actually feed him while we are driving.  (Well I'M not driving, I'm in the backseat with him and my boob.)  Anyway, I discovered this on the many road trips we have taken over the past several weeks.  It's probably not anything to look at but it's impressive.  I lean right over, cuddle up to him a little, and Cirque du Breastfeeding begins.  He eats and then sleeps and we don't even have to stop and then hold our breaths hoping he'll stay asleep after it's over.

What My Vagina Has Been Up To

What a captivating post title!  I'm sure you have all been sitting around thinking, "I wonder how BU's vagina is doing?"  Well I'm here to tell you that she is super duper confused.  I've never actually named my vagina, but for this post, we'll call her Rosie.  I'm not sure why that name came to me but I'm equating it to Rosie on the Jetson's.  I may or may not have some psychological issues.  But anyway, my robot vagina was scooting around the house vacuuming and dusting and fixing dinner when she and the bum uterus, Cindy Brady, decided to wreak some havoc on me.  My period keeps coming and going at random intervals, followed by brief bouts of spotting, EWCM, yeast infections and the ever present forest of untamed pubes that are, to say the least, winning. I swear I could take a weed wacker to these bitches, give them a crew cut, and they would still be as back and unwanted as Miley and Billy Ray (sans the stripper pole.)  (Ok maybe 1 stripper pole.)

So anyway, Rosie, Cindy, and the Cyruses are all here trying to confuse and humiliate me on a daily basis.  For example, this weekend, we went to "the ranch" which is really just a fancy name for my mother-in-law's house.  I had my period just 2 weeks ago so I wasn't worried about bringing boxes full of feminine hygiene or ugly period granny panties.  Well the whole crew snickered at this oversight and went ahead and gave me a little gift in my underpants.  I'm pretty sure my MIL hasn't had a period in a few decades so she definitely didn't have any of the goods.  Also she lives in a tiny ass town where the stores close on Sunday in order for the locals to congregate and worship.  So I had to go a route I haven't had to take in awhile.  Stuff a wad of toilet paper into my cute and expensive VS undies and continue cursing Rosie and Cindy for their betrayals.  Of course this gift only lasted until I got home Sunday night where I had actual products available.

So now here we all are, trying to get along again.  But Miley and the Billy Rays have another thing coming.  They aren't going to make it.

Sleepless in BU-Ville

I've been out of town for 3 weekends in a row now, the first 2 without Logan and this last weekend, with him, but still travelling by car and sleeping in a hotel.  So, his sleep schedule that I worked so hard on (for 2 weeks) is now a flaming pile of horse shit.  We really screwed the pooch on this one.  Before I left the first weekend, I had him in bed by 8:30 pm and he would typically sleep until 6 am or sometimes even later.  The key here is that he was NOT waking up and wanting to eat every 3 god damn hours anymore.  Which, in turn, meant that I was sleeping more hours and less likely to breathe fire or smash anyone's testicles with my bare hands.

But anyway, while staying in the hotel I reverted back to the old 'let him sleep next to me and nurse through the entire night' system so that the other people in the room could sleep.  Man I'm a fucking sweetheart.  So now that's what he wants to do every night, i.e. wake up every 3 hours to eat.  So now we're back to sleep training 101 and loads of crying it out.  (And testicle smashing.)

Although it sucks to start at square 1 again, I have to admit that I look forward to the "bedtime routine" every night.  I change his diaper and put him in his jammy jams and then read him a story.  Then, while I'm nursing him, I sing to him.  I'm no song bird or anything but it doesn't stop Logan from liking it.  Every time I break out "You Are My Sunshine" he gets the biggest smile on his face and sometimes laughs a little.  So he either loves that song or agrees that I suck at singing and just smiles and nods along.  Either way, it is fucking adorable and I find it hard not to sing to him every time I nurse him throughout the day. 

And now for your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of him in his cliche first Halloween costume.