Gag-a-licious!

I went ahead and got food poisoning this weekend.  It was awesome.  Full fledged puking, nausea, diarrhea, gut cramps, body aches and fever.  (Side note - will I EVER learn to spell diarrhea right on the first try?)  It started Friday night and as of today I still can't eat a real meal without the cramps.  The good news is I lost 5 pounds already, but the bad news is that I had explosive diarrhea (first try!) and I'll gain that weight back just as soon as I can shovel some food down my throat.

Speaking of gagging, I want to fill you in on my Dr. Laura book.  Ok, ok, she has some good points about being positive and showing your man you still think he's the shit, but my god I can't read some of it without wishing I had explosive diarrhea instead.  Take, for example, her ideas of getting your man to take out the trash.  Scenario 1 is that you nag him to death until he takes it out.  We all know this might work to get the trash in the bin, but it doesn't make for a pleasant evening.  So she suggests Scenario 2:

"Let him know you've wrapped up the trash and that it's sitting by the back door, and ask him if, when he has time, he would please dump it in the trash bin ... Catch him just as he's coming back from tossing the bag in the can.  Give him a big kiss and tell him that it was a big help because it's hard for you to hold the can lid up with one arm and pitch a very heavy bag with the other hand."

Go ahead and take a moment for laughter and/or vomiting.

I hated this paragraph so much that I called at least 6 people and read it to them.  I kept thinking about it because I wanted to understand exactly what it was that I so loathed.  I hate that it implies that I am too physically weak to take out the trash because that isn't true at all.  I hate that it implies that I should kiss my husband's ass for taking out the trash when I am usually the one who does it without any sort of acknowledgment from anyone.  And I found it cheesy to think that I should compliment my husband on how strong he is.

Then I thought some more.

I do think my husband is strong.  I like that my husband is strong.  I sometimes get turned on my the way his triceps muscle cuts in and feels really sexy.

And I have never told him that.

Why would it feel cheesy or embarrassing for me to tell my husband of 10 years that I like how strong he is?  I love it when he tells me I'm pretty or that he thinks I'm a good mom, and I don't think those things are cheesy at all.

So, girls, I fucking tried it.  I did NOT do it the Dr. Laura way because it is super gay and way fucking lame.  But I did say the following when he took out the trash Thursday night, "Thanks for taking out the trash babe.  It's really hard for me to get that done when I'm taking care of the baby."

All of that was true.  None of it compromised myself or my integrity.  And it made him feel really good.

There have been a few other incidents where I've broken out some cheesy compliment that a week ago I would have rolled my eyes over.  But I swear to G-O-D

IT FUCKING WORKS.

In just like 5 days my husband has become more attentive, cuddly, affectionate, helpful and just nice.  We had a great weekend together (minus the vomiting) and today he even took a few hours of the day off to take me to lunch and take a nap together.

Honestly, long term, I don't know if it will work out to keep being a cheese ball. But if the reciprocity continues as it is, I can see it happening.  Fucking Dr. Laura.