- Why do people say "Shut the front door!"? Where did that come from? Why can't they just say "Shut the fuck up?" Is this the G version of the X rated version? I don't get it. I may have said it before though, but I still don't get it.
- There's this time at night that is my favorite. The kids are in bed, Hubs and I are getting our shit together to go to bed. Inevitably, I find some reason to go downstairs to our kitchen and then wander in to my kids' rooms to give them one last kiss and stare. I love it. My house is so peaceful and you can almost feel the love in the air. Strike that, you can feel the love in the air. It's magical.
- I am still in the funk. I met with my counselor again last night and discussed my mental state. When I decided to go on meds for depression, they gave me the lowest dose possible because I am still breast feeding. My counselor let me know that this dose is like crazy low so the fact that I am still having a rough time is pretty understandable. We discussed increasing the dose, but I am just not willing to do it until I wean L, which won't be for at least a couple of months. We discussed the differences between my anxiety and depression and how they are ultimately triggering each other. We also discussed how the Hubs can help me with these problems. The worst thing is that he just does NOT understand depression or anxiety and so he gets kind of fed up with me being overwhelmed and/or stressed because he thinks my life is pretty awesome. My life is kind of amazing, but depression and anxiety don't give a flying fuck about that. They come regardless, kind of like a beer belly (which I also have.) Anyway, the bottom line is we talked it out and got some ideas on how I can stay in a more manageable state of mind. We also talked about how this bullshit does not, in fact, make me defective. Because sometimes I feel that way. Ironic, no?
- I have some good things coming up though and the weather has been great, so I've been able to be outside and am consistently working out. So there's that.
- Is this post super depressing?
- Did anyone ever watch Ally McBeal? There's this one episode where she and John Fish sniff each other's butts when they are kids because that's what dogs do. I can't remember the deets of that episode but every time I see Calista Flockhart on tv or in a magazine, I picture her sniffing a guys butt.
I suffer from anxiety depression and ocd. I would love to know some of your 'techniques' your counseler gave you. I take medication but still have days. Also just a thing that has helped me is a vitamin supplement. It's called 'stress complex' it doesn't make it go away but really helps me on my BAD days.
ReplyDeleteI too deal with anxiety, and even though I've found that a low dose of Xanex helps relieve some of the edge, I obviously couldn't/didn't want to take it while I was pregnant. Oddly enough, as anxious as I was about pregnancy in general, it was probably the first time in years my anxiety wasn't an issue. I suffer more from agoraphobia though and have noticed it's come back since having Chloe. I too would be interested to hear about your techniques. My doc was quick to prescribe meds and not really try and treat the actual problem. And my two favorite times of the day are going in to get Chloe out of bed in the morning, and sneaking one last kiss before going to bed at night. Talk about lowering your anxiety - what better way than to stare at your sleeping child. :)
ReplyDeleteI wish we lived closer so I could grab you and dote on you. I'd do your fucking laundry and tell you how beautiful you are - basically be the ideal husband until you can medicate up. But alas, I will just have to wait until February 3rd to spoil you and make you get really drunk since I can't. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine the struggle you are dealing with when it comes to anxiety and depression, but I can totally understand the battle of getting your husband on board to being supportive and reassuring. I am sorry you're going through this. But girl, if there is one thing I have learned, there is not much a weekend with the girls and chocolately desserts can't solve.
ReplyDeleteI've been through depression before and it blows. And it is hard for people close to you sometimes to understand how it works. Kind of like my husband with our fertility issues. He thought once we got pregnant I'd be happier and worrying less. Which was true I am happier but worrying MORE :) So he's wth is up with that? Oh well. Yeah "Shut the front door" is g rated version. I first saw it on an oreo commercial. And I have used it I think. But yeah, it doesn't quite give off the same power as "Shut the fuck up" does it? :)
ReplyDeleteI love that you can feel the love in the air. :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry you're dealing with the anxiety and depression shit. Hang in there - like you said, you can feel the love in the air; obviously you're a good Mom. Things will turn around and you'll get out of your funk.