You know how a lot of blogs are all sunshine and roses and everyone has great days and their children are perfect and their husbands clean toilets and make enough money and their pets never shit in the house and they are their ideal weight?
Well I realize I'm not one of those blogs but maybe I try to put on an optimistic face about pregnancy and my babies because I realize being anything but grateful for it is insensitive. Also I just really AM grateful for my babies.
That being said... I'm pretty much scared shitless about this pregnancy. I'm already sick and tired and impatient. I am not the best mom or person really when I don't feel well and I find myself yelling at people often. I am also nervous that L and Bugs will suffer and lack real attention when there's another baby around.
So there you go. My real feelings. Scared. Of course the silver lining is that I was on the fence about a 3rd and I'd rather have it happen this way than deciding in a couple of years and then having a hard time conceiving. (Hard time! Snort snort!)
I broke down like a complete ass at work this afternoon. A lot of it WAS related to the crapiness of my day, but the bawling like a big suck was all hormones... and stress. It's normal for girls in our position to feel scared shitless. Because this pregnancy was so "easy" to obtain, I think even more than my pregnancies that I needed treatment for, I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop- like I'm living in a fantasy that's too good to be true and waiting for it to end. I hope you feel better soon!! I wish I could say for sure that the fear and sickness will pass, but at least we're in this together right??
ReplyDeleteHARD TIME! *Snort snort* :) You just cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about it dear. From what I know of you, you are an awesome person, and even if you have your moments of frustration, you are an awesome mom. Just take a deep breath when the urge to yell comes over you -walk out of the room - remind yourself that the anger won't solve anything. And if you yell anyway, just try to catch the anger earlier the next time. It's okay - nobody is perfect!!
No one is as perfect as they seem and I prefer honest blogs to the ones that are all sunshine and roses. Sometimes I lose my cool with Maggie and snap at her and then I feel terrible. How's that for you? Make you feel better about yourself? That's what I'm here for. :) Love you!
ReplyDeleteGeez, having another baby IS terrifying, even when you want one and the timing is "perfect" (for a given value of "perfect"). You have every right to feel scared shitless. I am too, all the time and I'm not even pregnant. Hope your MS evens out soon.
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