Shit Talkin'

The Hubs and I have been reading a book together. It's a new agey, love yourself and the world, hippy style book. It's awesome. And it makes total sense. One of the "assignments" in the book is to be impeccable with your word. This means what you'd think, you know like always be honest and follow through with what you commit to. But it also means more. A lot more. Like not talking shit. About anyone. Including yourself.

Now I consider myself to be pretty forthcoming. I've tried to make it a point not to say anything negative about anyone behind their back that I wouldn't say to their face (like somehow that makes it better right?) Anyway my point is that when I started paying attention to how much shit I talk, I realized I actually talk rather a lot of shit. And sometimes I'm even entertained by it. Ok I'm entertained by it frequently.

Obvs I'm still mulling this over and deciding just what amount of shit talk is ok for me. Of course in a perfect world I'd never do it at all but come on. Let's be honest.

Thought Vomit Thursday

Oh Thought Vomit Thursday, how I have missed you!  Well obviously not enough to actually write a TVT post, well, until today.  So here goes.  Vomit spewing forth...

- The last two face washes that I have bought (and fell in love with) were both discontinued.  WTF?  Don't they know my tender skin needs that shit?  So anyhoo I had to try yet ANOTHER new face wash and it turned out to be an exfoliating type.  Right on the directions it told me to avoid the eye area.  (Pause for effect.)  The eye area.  Um HELLO?  That's where a majority of my makeup goes.  Doesn't this FACE wash understand that I am not one of those ladies that can wear her mascara twice in a row and still look fabulous?  Maybe it should have been called Nose, Cheek and Forehead Wash.

-  I'm still reading the mommy porn.  Yep, I downloaded AND paid for 3 terrible books.  I don't know if it's been mentioned, but these books contain a lot of sex.  Like a lot.  So much that sometimes I get bored reading about it and skip the latest sex scene.  Me.  I skip it.  Anyway my husband is quite intrigued about how I am reading so much porn but not wanting to do it more.  He is convinced that I am just home all day alternating between reading and masturbating.  Not true at all.  Except the other night.  He told me an hour before one of our friend's birthday party that he was going to it.  I was all huffy because I thought it was rude that he wouldn't plan ahead so we could both attend, rather he left me at home (until 2:30 am I might add) by myself with no babysitter and only mommy porn.  So I masturbated.  I masturbated hard.  And the whole time I was thinking about how this was Spiteful Masturbation.  Done on purpose so that I would get some sort of sexual gratification and he wouldn't.  And of course, at 2:30 am, he comes home, wants to get jiggy with it, and I was like, NOPE!  I'm all good thanks.  I didn't tell him.  I just reveled in my secret spite skills.  Side note: Spiteful Masturbation is a great band name.

-  I am not one of those girls that can easily pull off a strapless dress.  I have quite a large bosom and I always end up with that armpit roll just to the sides of my ladies.  What is the deal with the armpit roll?  How does one fix that little sitch?

-  Awhile back I read a post by Elizabeth at Many Many Moons about how she fell down the stairs naked.  (I tried to find it to link but couldn't and/or am just too impatient.)  Anyway, it was hilarious and it was about how she accidentally slept naked one night.  Then about a week or so ago, I was lying in bed and my underoos were really bothering me.  So, I thought about Elizabeth as I stripped my clothes off in bed.  (That sounds kinky but it isn't.)  It felt pretty great to sleep in the nude.  The next night, I thought about it again, but I have this fear that my 8-year-old will come in my room and see my ladies.  So this night I went with a tank top but still nothing on the bottom.  And now I'm hooked.  I literally cannot sleep with underwear on now.  When Hubs finally figured out that I was in the buff from the waist down, he automatically assumed I was coming on to him.  Au contraire!  I'm just a large, sweaty, fat prego and I don't want elastic around my waist at night.

So there you go.  I have discussed all matters inappropriate, which interestingly enough, is the most appropriate thing to do on Thought Vomit Thursday.

The end.

Shit

After neglecting my house for nearly forever, I decided that this week was the week to get caught up. A long ass time ago I made a little weekly list of shit to do each day. So when I get behind, I just make sure and get everything done on my list for that week. This saves me the anxiety of trying to get my house clean in one day. (Also the work.)

So on the list for today is spending 1 minute on each of my bathrooms (although after neglecting them for so long I knew I'd have to invest more time than that.) Also up is laundry (FAIL,) spending 10 minutes picking up, and washing any dishes in the sink.

Because I had to spend a great deal of time on the master bathroom (this is the most used bathroom and the least cleaned) I threw the baby in the tub and got busy scrubbing. He kept playing with his toys and looking up at me smiling. A few minutes later I realized that he was awfully quiet and that he was way more interested in his toys than usual.

I walked over to the tub and to my horror, found that he was not actually playing with his toys but rather his own shit. He had pooped in the tub and was extremely interested in it. I don't know what exactly he was doing with it or for how long. All I know is that I yanked him out of the tub, stripped down and got in the shower with him. (Separate shower. I was NOT standing in the shitty water.)

At this point I started crying. I'd had a tough morning already and this was the shit frosting on the shit cake. After that of course was the cleaning of the shit out of the tub. I decided the rest of the day would be spent eating strawberry short cake and watching Maury.

Back in My Day

I hate to be the whistle blower on the teenagers but I will. (Ok I don't hate it. I find it hilarious.) The teens these days think us old folks are dumm and not tecknologikly savvy. They use the Facebook as their cover for their online activities, but they actually use the Twitter to communicate. AND they don't make any of it private because that is not cool.

So basically if there's a teenager you want to spy on, like say a 15 year old stepson, you can look him up on the twitter and find all the nasty shit he posts about. You can also find out when he has lied to his parents, who his friends are and if he and his girlfriend are currently broken up and/or doing the deed.

Don't tell. We don't want the teenagers to know we are onto them.

So I've Got That Going For Me... Which is Nice

Have you ever just one day stopped in your tracks and realized that you are happy? That's what's happened to me lately. I mean I am still working out all the depression kinks and they do quite kick my ass in some days, but mostly I'm a pretty happy chick! It's pretty fucking sweet!

Hubs has been able to work out his schedule a little better after some pretty hefty come to Jesus talks. So he is pretty much home most evenings now and is mostly able to only work one weekend day which gives us time to get stuff done around our house or even just relax together on the other day. We are getting along really well and even managing to bone a couple times a week.

Everything is going well with the pregnancy. I had the big ultrasound on Monday and everything measured normal. The only thing is that baby girl is measuring about 8 days small. My doc said it's normal and they aren't changing my due date but of course it still worried me. I've never had that happen before. She also pointed out that at my next appointment baby will be viable! It's so crazy.

Besides that I went ahead and downloaded the rest of the mommy porn series. It's ridiculous how much I'm reading it considering how terrible it is, but I guess it's better than watching tv (or real porn for that matter.) Wait, it is better right? Reading porn at least makes me use my brain so that has to be better. I swear next I'll read some Dickens or Austen or something just so you guys will respect me again. Wait, you did respect me right?

Mommy Porn

Have you dudes heard of this 50 Sha.des of Gr.ey book? I kept hearing about it EVERYWHERE. On the news, talk shows, entertainment shows. I even heard they were making a movie about it and I am a sucker for reading the book and seeing the movie.
Surprisingly I had heard of it in so many places but didn't really know what it was about. All I knew was that it's all the sudden a best seller and apparently has some graphic sex scenes. And SOLD! (Also a sucker for graphic sex scenes.)
So I went ahead and spent the ten bucks and downloaded it and I can honestly say it was the WORST BOOK I've ever read in 3 days because I couldn't put it down. Contradiction much? Seriously I read it in 3 days and the whole time I was rolling my eyes and trying not to gag at its cheesiness. It was bad. And the sex scenes didn't even turn me on.
So why did I keep reading it? I'm not sure. Maybe I was bored. Maybe I was intrigued? It's about dominants and submissives, which I'm not into at all but it kept me interested enough apparently.
Anyway just wondering if anyone else suffered through it as well? It's a trilogy and I have not downloaded the 2nd book. Although I have thought about it exactly three times today.

Send Some Love

Hey ladies,

My good friend E is in the midst of adoption hell and I can't even imagine how she is not barfing every 5 minutes. I'm not the praying type but I swear I am praying for her right now and I hope you'll do the same.

http://manymanymoons.blogspot.com

Whoa ah oh Depression

Have you heard enough about depression from me? Well fuck off then. Just kidding. Don't fuck off. Just keep reading.

I've felt so great the last few months and grateful that I am still on meds. My doctor and I decided that toward the end of the 2nd trimester I will start weaning off the meds so baby girl doesn't have any effects at birth. (I guess if the babies have it in their system they are a little more lethargic.) I've been nervous about it but feeling so good that I felt I could cope. Today I woke up with a case of the blues and now I am reminded of what it's like to be in that dark place and I'm pretty much scared to wean now. (I haven't even started yet!)

I'm sure it will be fine and only temporary but I hate this feeling so much. I made an appointment for a massage, have a movie date with friends tonight and am going to go walk in the sun if it decides to come out today. I might need you dudes to remind me to keep doing this stuff.

Especially the massage part.