I've been thinking for a long time about shutting this blog down. After all, I don't exactly have a bum uterus anymore. I started it to help deal with my life as I suffered through infertility issues. The friends I have met and the stories I have read have truly changed my life. Becoming a parent again after infertility has made me a better mom by far and has truly given me an appreciation for the gifts that have been given to me.
The fact is, my children are my life, my world, my loves. But the infertile chapter in my life is over. My family is complete. I sincerely hope that everyone I've met in this corner of the blog world will cross over to parenthood in one way or another. My blog is linked to several infertility sites and blog rolls and I intend to leave it up for anyone that needs to find it. However, my life is forever changed and I feel the nature of my blogging is better suited for those that are ready to read it.
So, I'm moving on. I hope that you will follow me and continue reading my rants and musings. I will discuss my children more as this is what my life revolves around now. If you're not in a point in your journey that you'd like to continue on with me, I understand and wish you all the best and hope that our bloggy paths cross again someday.
You blog girls have really made a difference in my life. Thank you.
My new blog can be found at: www.aftertheyhatch.wordpress.com
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
About Poop
Is it possible for your intestines to get stuck to your uterus and therefore compressed? I swear this is happening to me. It's like they're all squished up in there like a pair of pantyhose in a crowded laundry bag. Well a pair of pantyhose filled with poop.
So anyway, I really really really want to poop. But this whole mashed up intestine thing is really not working for me. I keep trying to talk Tiny Dancer into just giving my insides a little massage with her feet to work it all out but she is 1- inside of me and can't hear, 2- a baby so she wouldn't understand anyway and 3- probably not a very great massage therapist yet. Her poop situation is going to be awesome, she doesn't really care about mine.
Each day as I'm waddling around in pelvic discomfort, I also get the good old gut cramps that accompany a non-poopal situation. And the sweats. And the gas. I'm super dooper attractive right now and my husband can't wait to do it to me. Last night, he said, in an effort to turn me on, "Hey! Why don't we go upstairs and do it?" Sarcastically, I replied, "Ohhhh-kay!!" in a most upbeat fashion, feeling that he would get the hint that asking to do it is actually, very UN-sexy. Apparently, he did not get this as he promptly turned off the tv and headed upstairs. Once I got there, I did my usual night routine, wash face, brush teeth, whine a little, etc. After I got done not pooping, I got in bed. Hubs rubbed my belly a little which caused me to fart a little. (34 weeks folks, 34 weeks.) He looked at me in disgust and then rolled over and went to sleep.
So anyway, I really really really want to poop. But this whole mashed up intestine thing is really not working for me. I keep trying to talk Tiny Dancer into just giving my insides a little massage with her feet to work it all out but she is 1- inside of me and can't hear, 2- a baby so she wouldn't understand anyway and 3- probably not a very great massage therapist yet. Her poop situation is going to be awesome, she doesn't really care about mine.
Each day as I'm waddling around in pelvic discomfort, I also get the good old gut cramps that accompany a non-poopal situation. And the sweats. And the gas. I'm super dooper attractive right now and my husband can't wait to do it to me. Last night, he said, in an effort to turn me on, "Hey! Why don't we go upstairs and do it?" Sarcastically, I replied, "Ohhhh-kay!!" in a most upbeat fashion, feeling that he would get the hint that asking to do it is actually, very UN-sexy. Apparently, he did not get this as he promptly turned off the tv and headed upstairs. Once I got there, I did my usual night routine, wash face, brush teeth, whine a little, etc. After I got done not pooping, I got in bed. Hubs rubbed my belly a little which caused me to fart a little. (34 weeks folks, 34 weeks.) He looked at me in disgust and then rolled over and went to sleep.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Cause You Had a Bad Day...
My last post was horrible. I realize that. I appreciate all the love and support everyone sent me. Depression isn't pretty, but if there's one thing I'm all about, it's not being pretty. Okay wait, that came out wrong. I like to be pretty but when it gets ugly, I'm honest about it.
That morning was shit hole glorious. I chose to write about it because it feels good to get it out. I chose to post it because I know there are other people who feel that way too sometimes. Luckily, it's rare for me. There are some people who live their lives like that every day and I'm fortunate that I am not one of them. But it does get me sometimes. It does kick me in the balls and spit in my mouth and throw me for a loop. And that's what it looks like at it's worst.
But today is a new day. And in fact, the whole weekend was wonderful. Most of Friday actually turned out good too. I got drunk and exercised and went on a roller coaster. Oh wait, no I didn't. I'm hugely pregnant so I waddled around trying not to pee my pants. And also did laundry.
So that sums up my weekend.
That morning was shit hole glorious. I chose to write about it because it feels good to get it out. I chose to post it because I know there are other people who feel that way too sometimes. Luckily, it's rare for me. There are some people who live their lives like that every day and I'm fortunate that I am not one of them. But it does get me sometimes. It does kick me in the balls and spit in my mouth and throw me for a loop. And that's what it looks like at it's worst.
But today is a new day. And in fact, the whole weekend was wonderful. Most of Friday actually turned out good too. I got drunk and exercised and went on a roller coaster. Oh wait, no I didn't. I'm hugely pregnant so I waddled around trying not to pee my pants. And also did laundry.
So that sums up my weekend.
Friday, August 10, 2012
So Far
Today has been a rough one. It's only 10:25 am but I just want to tell you what I have done so far. Nothing.
I couldn't sleep last night because my back hurts like a motherfucker. Fall asleep, wake up, roll over, cry out in pain. Repeat.
This morning when the baby starts his little mockingbird call for me "Ma-Ma... Ma-Ma!" I just can't. I physically, mentally and emotionally cannot get out of bed. I do my best not to cry when I ask Hubs if he would please go get him and let me sleep. Just a little longer. Luckily he complies without too much hassle and I don't have to hide from him just how dark I am feeling.
I sleep a little longer but inevitably somebody wants mom to get out of bed. When L finally makes it to my bed he is dialing numbers on my phone and I notice his diaper hasn't been changed yet and now Hubs wants a turn for a nap. And it is all too much. The ugly cry comes out and the whole day feels unreasonable, unmanageable and how the fuck am I going to get out out of bed today? Hubs finally stomps off with L because who is this unreasonable bitch sobbing in his bed over nothing?
After the ugly cry I know it has to be over. I have a day that can't exist without me. There's not going to be anyone here to take care of it all. So I google "how to get out of bed..." The auto search function automatically fills in "... when you're depressed." And somehow it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who has uttered these terrible words to the internet gods.
I read, "get sunshine, take a walk, eat healthy, breathe deeply." All things I already know but couldn't fathom five minutes ago. It's too much to take a walk right now, but I convince myself that I CAN, in fact, grab a plate of fruit and a blanket and sit outside in the sun for 15 minutes and breathe deeply. So I do, and it helps just a little. I feel a little less ruined and defective and not at all funny but thanks for listening anyway because grabbing my computer and blogging about it makes it feel possible.
I couldn't sleep last night because my back hurts like a motherfucker. Fall asleep, wake up, roll over, cry out in pain. Repeat.
This morning when the baby starts his little mockingbird call for me "Ma-Ma... Ma-Ma!" I just can't. I physically, mentally and emotionally cannot get out of bed. I do my best not to cry when I ask Hubs if he would please go get him and let me sleep. Just a little longer. Luckily he complies without too much hassle and I don't have to hide from him just how dark I am feeling.
I sleep a little longer but inevitably somebody wants mom to get out of bed. When L finally makes it to my bed he is dialing numbers on my phone and I notice his diaper hasn't been changed yet and now Hubs wants a turn for a nap. And it is all too much. The ugly cry comes out and the whole day feels unreasonable, unmanageable and how the fuck am I going to get out out of bed today? Hubs finally stomps off with L because who is this unreasonable bitch sobbing in his bed over nothing?
After the ugly cry I know it has to be over. I have a day that can't exist without me. There's not going to be anyone here to take care of it all. So I google "how to get out of bed..." The auto search function automatically fills in "... when you're depressed." And somehow it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who has uttered these terrible words to the internet gods.
I read, "get sunshine, take a walk, eat healthy, breathe deeply." All things I already know but couldn't fathom five minutes ago. It's too much to take a walk right now, but I convince myself that I CAN, in fact, grab a plate of fruit and a blanket and sit outside in the sun for 15 minutes and breathe deeply. So I do, and it helps just a little. I feel a little less ruined and defective and not at all funny but thanks for listening anyway because grabbing my computer and blogging about it makes it feel possible.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Craft Fail
The hospital I am giving birth at does this super duper awesome thing where they have a photographer come to your room and take photos of the bébé. It is cool for a couple of reasons: 1- I'm super fucking lazy and probably wouldn't actually get pics of my already neglected 3rd child until her 5th birthday. And 2- Um hello newborn teeny tinys are squishy wishy chubby wubby little meatballs and who doesn't want to look at a picture of that forever and ever? It is also really uncool for a couple of reasons. 1- If I'm in any of the photos I'm going to have post-giving birth fat face/body/fingers/feet. 2- Talk about pressure to pick the most adorbz outfit ever for a baby you haven't met/seen yet and have no idea what color/size/design to pick.
Of course, normal people probably wouldn't feel the pressure of finding the perfect outfit for their 1 day old baby that isn't even born yet but I am not normal.
So of course I turned to Etsy for the outfit. Naturally it started with an itty bitty crocheted hat. It's yellow and gray and just about the cutest thing ever. After receiving the hat, the search for a diaper cover was on. I found these sweet little bloomers that I felt would meet Victoria Beckham's approval and had them sent as well.
And that's when all hell broke loose. The grays did not match. The bloomers were too light. So what else would I do but consult the Rit Dye website for some advice? If you don't know what Rit Dye is then I am way older than you. The Rit Dye website has a color search section to help you find the exact right color combination to get your shit to match. So I went to 3 different stores to find the combo and hurried home to mix a little color/bloomer cocktail in my sink. Side note: I had zero cocktails in my hand.
The mixture was 4 parts navy blue, 1 part sunrise orange. I'm not sure how anyone in their right mind could think this would make dark gray because it sure as fuck didn't. It turned blue. Denim blue. Now I'm not opposed to denim blue except when I'm trying to dye something gray.
So back to the old Rit site I go to check out some other gray swatches. It is here I discover that if you just use black and dilute it, it makes gray. Now everybody, I want to assure you that I did indeed pass kindergarten and I DO know that light black=gray. But I can also tell you that NOT ONCE in my dying schematics did it occur to me to just buy the fucking black dye.
So next is the decision to just go with the black dye over the denim blue bloomer. They have a dye lightener (aka bleach) that they recommend but I went ahead and skipped that shit.
The bloomers are now purple.
Apparently the genius scientists at Rit motherfucking Dye didn't pass kindergarten either because black does not = purple.
I went back to Etsy to try and pick a new, darker gray bloomer when I discovered a bloomer/head band combo that is not only adorable but it involves absolutely no work on my part.
Of course, normal people probably wouldn't feel the pressure of finding the perfect outfit for their 1 day old baby that isn't even born yet but I am not normal.
So of course I turned to Etsy for the outfit. Naturally it started with an itty bitty crocheted hat. It's yellow and gray and just about the cutest thing ever. After receiving the hat, the search for a diaper cover was on. I found these sweet little bloomers that I felt would meet Victoria Beckham's approval and had them sent as well.
And that's when all hell broke loose. The grays did not match. The bloomers were too light. So what else would I do but consult the Rit Dye website for some advice? If you don't know what Rit Dye is then I am way older than you. The Rit Dye website has a color search section to help you find the exact right color combination to get your shit to match. So I went to 3 different stores to find the combo and hurried home to mix a little color/bloomer cocktail in my sink. Side note: I had zero cocktails in my hand.
The mixture was 4 parts navy blue, 1 part sunrise orange. I'm not sure how anyone in their right mind could think this would make dark gray because it sure as fuck didn't. It turned blue. Denim blue. Now I'm not opposed to denim blue except when I'm trying to dye something gray.
So back to the old Rit site I go to check out some other gray swatches. It is here I discover that if you just use black and dilute it, it makes gray. Now everybody, I want to assure you that I did indeed pass kindergarten and I DO know that light black=gray. But I can also tell you that NOT ONCE in my dying schematics did it occur to me to just buy the fucking black dye.
So next is the decision to just go with the black dye over the denim blue bloomer. They have a dye lightener (aka bleach) that they recommend but I went ahead and skipped that shit.
The bloomers are now purple.
Apparently the genius scientists at Rit motherfucking Dye didn't pass kindergarten either because black does not = purple.
I went back to Etsy to try and pick a new, darker gray bloomer when I discovered a bloomer/head band combo that is not only adorable but it involves absolutely no work on my part.
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