Last night I was hanging out with a bunch of girlfriends for a birthday party. I looked around the room and realized that I am, by far, the fattest of all my friends. I am a size 12 and don't normally look at myself in the mirror with disgust. But my friends are like fucking models. Seriously. There were like 12 of us and the closest 2nd was probably a size 6.
So I left that party to join a different party with my normal sized friends. We were discussing how there are so many skinny bitches in the world and why we aren't one of them. We have concluded that skinny bitches
A - don't eat, and
B - use cocaine
Oh blah blah blah if you're skinny and you're like, "I eat like a fucking horse and I have never ever touched cocaine. I just have good metabolism!" I'm super happy for you.
Next, I thought of all the drug addicts out there and how they seem to have no problems getting pregnant. So HELLO reason #2! Cocaine is looking pretty good now ain't it?
Finally, today I suffered through an allergy test because I have chronic sinusitis and recurrent sinus infections so I was wondering if maybe I have allergies. Well, guess what Mother Nature, you win again! I am not allergic to ANYTHING. My sinuses are just fucked up. Maybe if I snort some coke it'll help with that situation too. I mean it couldn't really get any worse.
Dear everyone, I'm just kidding. I don't do drugs and I'm not going to start. And I'm really glad you're skinny and eat salads for lunch every day.
You make me giggle!! I'm definitely bigger than a size 12 & like to call myself a Forgetful Bulimic...I binch but forget to purge...ah, well...
ReplyDeleteSounds like pretty good logic to me!
ReplyDeletelmao!
ReplyDeleteAs for the sinus issues, I used to get a sinus or ear infection every month- and all sorts of sinus headaches on top of my migraines. So, I feel your pain. The cause of mine was a deviated septum (I was born with it apparently, yay me.) After my sinus sugery to fix it, I have only gotten an ear infection and sinus infection once each... in 7 years.
We should start our own size 12 club....
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm not KU I'm usually a 10/12 and all of my friends are skinny bitches for sure. Super frustrating. I tried fixing that with bulemia for awhile in college and got down to an 8/10. I don't recommend it.
ReplyDelete