Because my feet are giant marshmallows. Also my wedding ring doesn't fit anymore. I went to the doctor yesterday and have gained 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks.
I blame the Girl Scouts of America.
In other news, I decided a month was long enough without shaving my legs or my vag (plus I had the group b strep swab thing yesterday) so I actually had to sit my ass down in the shower (teeny tiny shower) and shave some things. When I stood up, my legs were purple and tingly because apparently I can't sit down without cutting the circulation off to my lower extremities.
Speaking of the group b strep swab thing.... holy fuck did I feel violated. They stick it in places where stuff shouldn't be stuck. Plus then she checked my cervix. So all sorts of orifices were enraged. I am slightly dilated, but not much, which is good because my doctor decided to go out of town in 2 weeks.
I. can't. have. this. baby. if. my. doctor. isn't. here.
I love her. I worship her. And she is on board with the most important, key parts of my birth plan. Mainly, that my husband is going to deliver the baby. If some other doctor is there and says no, I will literally get up and go give birth in my car in the parking lot. It's that important to us.
I'm sick.
And tired.
And grumpy.
But you can't tell right?
Hopefully people won't notice when I switch to crocs full time either.
I found your blog through Oak's blog and I've just spent the last hour laughing my ass off at your posts instead of working. I'm a few weeks behind you and feel like I could write some of the shit you write. Oh, and we both wear slippers to work so we're like long lost sisters... you know, sisters with slippers?
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely be following along from here on out.
Dude, I heard something about the Group B test being in the arse but mine was just a cooter swab, what's up with that?!
ReplyDeleteEff the Girl Scouts for forcing you to gain 5 lbs and for skipping my house this year. Not only did they skip my house but they had the AUDACITY to go on the news and talk about how they were going to be dire financial straights for not selling enough cookies and having to carry inventory. I'm all "Hello, have you heard of putting a cookie stand outside of an OB clinic?!"