I have developed an unnatural love. It is all consuming and disturbing and delicious.
Lemon bars.
OMG, I cannot get enough of them. I used to think lemon flavored foods were for old ladies. So either I wised up, or I am, indeed, an old lady. There are 2 bakeries in my general vicinity that sell delightful buttery beautiful lemon bars and I am not kidding when I tell you that I am eating them 2-3 times a week. This means I actually have to leave my house, go to a bakery and pay a ridonkulous amount of money for a pastry. I love them so much that I am blogging about them.
Next... Bugs went to a birthday party a few weeks ago. It was carnival themed and guess what his party favor was? Go ahead, guess.
A goldfish.
Like a living, breathing, eating and shitting goldfish. In a tiny bowl. I prepared Bugs and told him that it probably would only live a couple of days so he shouldn't be too sad when it died. 3 weeks later, it was still alive in that tiny, nasty bowl. So I bought him a fish tank. A 60 god damn dollar fish tank. And 5 more fish so Goldy wouldn't be lonely. So yeah, they only cost 28 cents at Walmart, but still, come on. Also the birthday party was for not 1, but 2 kids, so I had to buy them both gifts. And a mother fucking fish tank.
This week, all the fish died.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Cupcake? Nah I'll Have a Muffin Top
I love working out. Like really really love it. I crave it even. While I was pregnant, I was suffering with headaches, nausea and fat assedness, so I stopped working out. Well I did yoga, but that's it. So now that I'm not pregnant, I'm trying to get back in the swing of it.
And it feels impossible.
Logan has good nights and bad nights with the sleeping, but even on good nights, he's up about every 3 hours. This means I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in over 2 months. I've started crying at night fairly regularly. Hubs is super happy about it. Anyway my point is that I'm a zombie most days and when L actually goes to sleep for a short time, I have about a cajilion things to do.
Also my husband owns a few businesses and is literally ALWAYS working unless he's asleep (next to me crying my eyes out.) He is out of town a lot and sometimes doesn't get home at nights until 9 or 10. So relying on him for child care while I work out is well, not reliable at all. The gym I go to has child care but it books up quickly, and frankly, I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.
So I still haven't quite worked out my working out and the whole "you'll lose weight from breast feeding" is apparently bullshit for my body type (i.e. Large.) So it looks like I'm stuck with delirious lunges and walks if it ever gets warm again. Hopefully I'm not stuck with these large thighs and attractive gut forever.
And it feels impossible.
Logan has good nights and bad nights with the sleeping, but even on good nights, he's up about every 3 hours. This means I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in over 2 months. I've started crying at night fairly regularly. Hubs is super happy about it. Anyway my point is that I'm a zombie most days and when L actually goes to sleep for a short time, I have about a cajilion things to do.
Also my husband owns a few businesses and is literally ALWAYS working unless he's asleep (next to me crying my eyes out.) He is out of town a lot and sometimes doesn't get home at nights until 9 or 10. So relying on him for child care while I work out is well, not reliable at all. The gym I go to has child care but it books up quickly, and frankly, I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.
So I still haven't quite worked out my working out and the whole "you'll lose weight from breast feeding" is apparently bullshit for my body type (i.e. Large.) So it looks like I'm stuck with delirious lunges and walks if it ever gets warm again. Hopefully I'm not stuck with these large thighs and attractive gut forever.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Oops I Did it Again
I've been trying to think of a way to bring up kindof an embarrassing topic. Thanks to Natalie and her post about her vajayjay, I feel a little more comfortable discussing it.*
Queefs.** Or vag farts.
I remember after Bugs was born that I started having them when I worked out and after sex. I think I must have been an idiot then because I did NOT equate it to the massive stretching of my vagina. I remember always thinking that Hubs and I must have had some crazy sex in crazy positions and I got some air up there. I distinctly remember reading an article in Cosmo that said it could happen because of that.
Then recently, my BFF that has an 18 month old told me that while she was downward dogging in yoga, she totally queefed. Obviously it was humiliating and she was wondering if it had something to do with having a baby because she didn't have much experience with it. Finally, a light bulb turned on and I yelled, "THAT HAPPENED TO ME SO MUCH AFTER BUGS WAS BORN!" Eureka!!
And now since L was born, I have had some experience with it yet again. Unfortunately, one time was in the throes of passion, and nothing makes you feel less sexy than when you're trying to be all hot and your vagina farts. God damn it! I'm taking Natalie's advice and working on the kegals more regularly. I'm going to kegal the shit out of myself.
*The weird part is that I felt more comfortable talking about this than Jesus.
** I don't know if I'm spelling it correctly because I've never tried to write this word. EVER.
Queefs.** Or vag farts.
I remember after Bugs was born that I started having them when I worked out and after sex. I think I must have been an idiot then because I did NOT equate it to the massive stretching of my vagina. I remember always thinking that Hubs and I must have had some crazy sex in crazy positions and I got some air up there. I distinctly remember reading an article in Cosmo that said it could happen because of that.
Then recently, my BFF that has an 18 month old told me that while she was downward dogging in yoga, she totally queefed. Obviously it was humiliating and she was wondering if it had something to do with having a baby because she didn't have much experience with it. Finally, a light bulb turned on and I yelled, "THAT HAPPENED TO ME SO MUCH AFTER BUGS WAS BORN!" Eureka!!
And now since L was born, I have had some experience with it yet again. Unfortunately, one time was in the throes of passion, and nothing makes you feel less sexy than when you're trying to be all hot and your vagina farts. God damn it! I'm taking Natalie's advice and working on the kegals more regularly. I'm going to kegal the shit out of myself.
*The weird part is that I felt more comfortable talking about this than Jesus.
** I don't know if I'm spelling it correctly because I've never tried to write this word. EVER.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
WWJD?
I don't know how to put this exactly, but I am not a religious person. In fact, I don't do religion. I don't even like to speak of it. My beliefs are somewhat non-traditional. I don't follow any mainstream type of... well, anything.
Over the past year or so, however, I felt it was necessary to explain to Bugs that the holidays we celebrate have root in religious practices. In other words, Christmas isn't about Santa, and Easter isn't because of the Easter bunny. So, I have very carefully selected how I explain it to him. Example: "Christmas is a celebration in the Christian religions, and some people believe that Jesus Christ was born on this day." (I know I know, there's debate about when he was actually born, but he's 7, so Christmas can just be Jesus's birthday for now, you know, for some people.)
I don't want to tell him that HE has to believe it, but I also don't want to tell him that he shouldn't believe it just because his parents aren't into the idea so much. (OMG, I can feel the hate mail coming already.) But to be honest, I kinda thought he would get the idea that we are not religious and he would see things my way. Or at least ask questions about what my way is.
He hasn't.
He sings songs about how Jesus created the world and asks me all sorts of questions about how and why Jesus did the things he did. Like I said, I'm not so into the religions, so I don't have all the answers to his questions. So naturally I did what anyone would do, told him to call Grandma. Duh. My mom and I decided to get him a children's bible so he can learn the bible stories and hopefully have some of his questions answered that way. If that doesn't satisfy his curiosity, well, one step at a time for now.
Here is a picture he drew for his art fair at school...
Over the past year or so, however, I felt it was necessary to explain to Bugs that the holidays we celebrate have root in religious practices. In other words, Christmas isn't about Santa, and Easter isn't because of the Easter bunny. So, I have very carefully selected how I explain it to him. Example: "Christmas is a celebration in the Christian religions, and some people believe that Jesus Christ was born on this day." (I know I know, there's debate about when he was actually born, but he's 7, so Christmas can just be Jesus's birthday for now, you know, for some people.)
I don't want to tell him that HE has to believe it, but I also don't want to tell him that he shouldn't believe it just because his parents aren't into the idea so much. (OMG, I can feel the hate mail coming already.) But to be honest, I kinda thought he would get the idea that we are not religious and he would see things my way. Or at least ask questions about what my way is.
He hasn't.
He sings songs about how Jesus created the world and asks me all sorts of questions about how and why Jesus did the things he did. Like I said, I'm not so into the religions, so I don't have all the answers to his questions. So naturally I did what anyone would do, told him to call Grandma. Duh. My mom and I decided to get him a children's bible so he can learn the bible stories and hopefully have some of his questions answered that way. If that doesn't satisfy his curiosity, well, one step at a time for now.
Here is a picture he drew for his art fair at school...
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