Joy in 2 Posts

This morning I awoke and had an idea for my post today.  I decided to see what I posted about around a year ago because I knew it was right around when I got my BFP.  And look what the post was from exactly a year ago today:

How fucking awesome is that?

I remember being so utterly terrified that this thing, this baby, this tiny ball of life would die before it ever lived.  I remember being incredibly angry that I was drowning in fear and lacking in hope.  I remember checking every time I went to the bathroom and hoping, praying, literally willing there not to be any blood on the toilet paper.  I remember wanting to tell people but not daring to because if it ended badly, I didn't want to have to tell them that I miscarried again.

I told you all of course.  Just now I reread your congratulations and they had me crying at my keyboard.  Thank you for being here for me for the last year and a half.  You had hope for me even when I had none for myself. 

The hours and days and weeks that followed the big announcement were nail biters of course.  And the months that came after were still difficult to believe.  Then came all the symptoms and feeling my baby move and getting a round belly and pains in weird places and peeing my pants and sleeping all day.

And then came my baby. 

And now comes the realization that even though I will never forget how difficult, terrifying and awful it was to steer through IF... I get this daily reminder for the rest of my life of how it was oh so worth it.  So. Worth. It.



Yeah, I'm pretty cute.