Next month, I'll have been married for 11 years. I was 22 when I got married (note to anyone under 22 out there... 22 is WAY too young to get married. I know you think you are all mature and awesome and you can't wait to say I Do and have a baby, but trust me, you learn so much about yourself in your 20's and when you are married, you have to consider other people when learning hard lessons. It's not easy.) My point, ah yes, my point is that there have been some amazing times and some hard fought battles and lots of learning experiences, some which still bewilder me.
I was talking to my bestie last night and I was telling her about a recent event that happened in which a company took my husband to small claims court. Now, if it were me, I would be all sorts of prepared with documents, record keeping and a solid argument. Not to mention a new suit and a sweet up-do. I'd show up to court 30 minutes early, rebuttals prepared and rehearsed, and a solid plan for winning the case.
My husband? Well, he forgot all about it.
10 years ago, or even 5 years ago, I would have been nagging him for weeks in advance to prepare his arguments, get his records together, get his suit cleaned, etc. etc. This would have lead to weeks of us fighting over it and him being mad at me for telling him what to do, and me not understanding why the hell he doesn't take care of important shit. After many, many trials and errors in this department, I have learned to leave the documentation on the counter, maybe remind him once or twice that it's coming up, cross my fingers and hope for the best.
No fighting. No nagging. No hurt feelings.
Of course, this also leads to a judgement against him in court, but I have learned to let this be his problem, not mine. (Also I still don't understand why the hell he doesn't take care of important shit.) He's a big picture person, I'm a details person. I help with details when I can, but I am not his mom, or his assistant.
Another extremely important thing I've learned in the last decade is to NEVER NEVER NEVER video yourself doing it. Sometimes you think it will be all sexy, like say after a few margaritas, but it is SO NOT. We are fat, hairy people, and it just doesn't look good. Fortunately, this only took one lesson to really learn it.
Ugh. I hate that I'm learning lessons from this (b/c yes, I'm the nagger who would have nagged him getting everything in order!).
ReplyDeleteBut wow, I'm glad I learned the lesson to not video ourselves doing it. So noted. :)
I hate nagging... but I haven't quite gotten to your zen place of letting my husband make the mistake (or succeed?) on his own. I just... can't. Maybe one day.
ReplyDeleteI have not, however, made the mistake of videography. Caught myself in a mirror once, scarred for life.
I love this post and it's so true. I'm still learning these lessons, but a little more every day. This is especially true now that the baby is here. I just don't have time to baby him too and to be honest, he could give a shit about most of the stuff anyway. I just have to take care of me and let him handle him. You're so right...it's a great lesson.
ReplyDeleteThe second lesson you are right about. It's the most important of all!