Craft Fail

The hospital I am giving birth at does this super duper awesome thing where they have a photographer come to your room and take photos of the bébé. It is cool for a couple of reasons: 1- I'm super fucking lazy and probably wouldn't actually get pics of my already neglected 3rd child until her 5th birthday. And 2- Um hello newborn teeny tinys are squishy wishy chubby wubby little meatballs and who doesn't want to look at a picture of that forever and ever? It is also really uncool for a couple of reasons. 1- If I'm in any of the photos I'm going to have post-giving birth fat face/body/fingers/feet. 2- Talk about pressure to pick the most adorbz outfit ever for a baby you haven't met/seen yet and have no idea what color/size/design to pick.

Of course, normal people probably wouldn't feel the pressure of finding the perfect outfit for their 1 day old baby that isn't even born yet but I am not normal.

So of course I turned to Etsy for the outfit. Naturally it started with an itty bitty crocheted hat. It's yellow and gray and just about the cutest thing ever. After receiving the hat, the search for a diaper cover was on. I found these sweet little bloomers that I felt would meet Victoria Beckham's approval and had them sent as well.

And that's when all hell broke loose. The grays did not match. The bloomers were too light. So what else would I do but consult the Rit Dye website for some advice? If you don't know what Rit Dye is then I am way older than you. The Rit Dye website has a color search section to help you find the exact right color combination to get your shit to match. So I went to 3 different stores to find the combo and hurried home to mix a little color/bloomer cocktail in my sink. Side note: I had zero cocktails in my hand.

The mixture was 4 parts navy blue, 1 part sunrise orange. I'm not sure how anyone in their right mind could think this would make dark gray because it sure as fuck didn't. It turned blue. Denim blue. Now I'm not opposed to denim blue except when I'm trying to dye something gray.

So back to the old Rit site I go to check out some other gray swatches. It is here I discover that if you just use black and dilute it, it makes gray. Now everybody, I want to assure you that I did indeed pass kindergarten and I DO know that light black=gray. But I can also tell you that NOT ONCE in my dying schematics did it occur to me to just buy the fucking black dye.

So next is the decision to just go with the black dye over the denim blue bloomer. They have a dye lightener (aka bleach) that they recommend but I went ahead and skipped that shit.

The bloomers are now purple.

Apparently the genius scientists at Rit motherfucking Dye didn't pass kindergarten either because black does not = purple.

I went back to Etsy to try and pick a new, darker gray bloomer when I discovered a bloomer/head band combo that is not only adorable but it involves absolutely no work on my part.