It's Always There

There's this undertone of infertility. It's always there, in the back of my mind. I think about it a thousand times a day and it can be very random or very focused. Someone can be next to me, making a joke, or carrying on a conversation, and I will be thinking of babies and ovulation and where I'm at in my cycle. It's distracting. And depressing. People say all the time that I just need to stop thinking about it. I know it's true, but it is hard when I was born to be a mother. I do have my son, and I am grateful for that, but I always imagined a big, close family with lots of chaos and love.