Torture

I can't make a decision, like ever.

The other night my husband actually told me that he feels sorry for me when I have to make a decision because I just agonize over it forEVER.

And I really do.  I'll feel like I've made up my mind, think some more, and then change it again.

So remember how I picked up a 2nd job?  And then remember how I found out I'm pregnant?  Well now some more analysis has occurred and I'm worried about the stress I am putting on my body by waking up at 3 a.m. and working for 12-14 hours straight.

Insert sleepless night, stomachache from worrying, and worrying because I am worrying too much.

Finally I asked Hubs to just decide for me.  He is sometimes quite the genius and said, "What do you want?  Like long-term?"

I want to be a good mom to my son, pick him up and drop him off at school, and when I get my baby, I want to breast feed and cuddle and take naps with her all day.

Nowhere in this sentence did I mention ANYTHING about either one of my jobs.

So I tearfully called my boss tonight to tell her that I need to quit the program and I hope they won't hold me to the year contract I signed since I'm still in the training phase.  Also cried a little about how I hope the company will welcome me back when I am in a better position to be employed by them.  (I had told her earlier about my situation and she told me to think it over and call her later.)

Ok I left her a voicemail.  I'm a wuss.

I hope I can just move on and not over-analyze the decision.

It's best for my family.  It's best for my family.  It's best for my family.