I started crying while we were waiting for the doctor to come in. I was so scared.
He found a sac, a yolk sac, fetal pole and thank the Universe, a heartbeat. It took a minute to get the heartbeat but it was there.
We aren't out of the woods yet, of course, but it's a good step.
I wish I felt better. I still feel incredibly unsettled about the whole thing. I started a conversation with myself about when I am going to feel better about it. At first I thought it would be when my betas doubled. That's happened twice. Still unsettled. Then I thought it would be when I had symptoms. I have them all. Still unsettled. Ok, when we see a heartbeat.
Still not it.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have lost 3 babies. 3. This unsettled feeling may not ever go away. I might be taking a newborn home in April and still not believe that everything is going to be ok. That's the thing about the nightmare of recurrent miscarriage - it never ends. I hope I can wake up from it and be happy soon, but for now I am taking it one day at a time and hoping for the best.
Hi! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I hadn't visited yours before and am glad I came over today. What an exciting moment you are going through. I can imagine that it must be incredibly difficult but I'd say at this point all signs continue to point to GO, so that's so great!! Good luck with your pregnancy and I'm sure in April you'll be taking that gorgeous baby home!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. I can't imagine being in your shoes, but I have high hopes for this one sticking around and making your genius boy a big brother!
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time is a good plan. Hoping & praying for you that this time it will work out.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on a heart beat...such a huge step! It's understandable that you have an unsettled feeling. Hopefully day by by, and appointment by appointment when you continue to see your baby grow, that feeling will fade!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry this is such a hard journey for you!! I am glad that they were able to find the heartbeat!! I am sending you tons of sticky bean pixies!!!
ReplyDeleteA heart beat...what amazing news.
ReplyDeleteI think that what you are feeling is beyond normal, that if you didn't feel it, that would be the non normal. That said, I'm SORRY you have to feel it. That you have to be scared like this and that it might never go away.
I am hoping that the feeling fades as that baby grows *hugs*
The problem with infertility and recurrent loss is that you will always carry scars. But I have faith that this is it for you. SO glad to hear this news.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, I completely know what you are feeling. I went through secondary infertility and we had soooooo many losses in a row. It was hard to ever relax. I think I started to finally believe it when I started to feel movement. {{{Hugs}}} and prayers for peace of mind.
ReplyDelete#28 ICLW
(*HUGS*) Repeat losses can be so overwhelming. But you are off to a great start, and I am hoping so badly that things continue that way for you. Hang in there.
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