Distractions

I am known as a sarcastic prankster. Some people say I am mean, but I'm not. I just like to tease people and play jokes on them. Have you read Chelsea Handler's book "My Horizontal Life"? Each chapter in the book is about a one night stand.

It's awesome.

She is super funny and lies about random nonsense that doesn't even warrant a lie. In one chapter, she pretends to be her own twin, Kelsea. So this gave one of my besties and me an idea. For awhile, when we went out, we told people we were twins (Chelsea and Kelsea) but we had different dads. You see, our mom had 2 uteri (is that a word?) and had 2 different lovers that got her pregnant in each uterus.

Anyway, I hang out with Chelsea a couple times a month for girl time and for messing with people. This week, I met a friend of hers, we'll call him Tad. She warned me before he got there that he was sometimes a little inappropriate but was a nice guy. I think Chelsea forgot just how inappropriate we are together. We were all chatting at the fire pit and joking about falling in the fire. There was a grate over the fire with a large dent in it and Tad asked me if I had made the dent when I fell in.

My reply, "Are you saying I'm fat?"

Silence... then laughter.

More chatting and then Tad was trying to one up me on the inappropriate scale. I turned to the other people at the fire and said, "He just said I'm fat and that he's using me for sex."

Peoples jaws dropped. I thought Tad was going to shit himself.

Then my friends and I just started laughing and made it known that it was a joke. I don't think Tad stopped blushing all night.*

I thought this would be a really funny story and now that I have it typed out it really does seem awful and inappropriate. But this is a true life story of Kelsea and Chelsea and that's just how we roll.



*P.S. Tad recovered but I don't think he wants to hang out with us anymore.