Expectations

I have been reflecting a lot today. About expectations. More specifically, about expectations that are not met. You might think that I am talking about not being able to get pregnant, and although that is a part of it, my focus is more general. What do you do when your life's expectations are not met?

I had an idea of marriage. Of my marriage. And what I would want it to be. I have had this idea forever. Whether it was deciding what my parents showing me was right or wrong or dreaming up what my home or children would be.

I had an idea of money. I went to college and earned a degree so that I would always have a successful job and make enough money to sustain our lives as well as save for the future.

I had an idea of family. How many children I would have, what their age differences would be, what their names were, what sports they would play, and what kind of education I wanted to provide for them.

So, the good news is that I have a marriage and a lovely, lovely child. Although I don't have a lot of money, we somehow seem to make ends meet each month.

But it is not what I expected.

I knew my husband and I would have hard times, but I never expected it to be as hard as it is, as often as it is. We are both very stubborn and tend to butt heads quite often. We also have different expectations about where our future will land us and that makes me nervous for us. And although we make ends meet each month, we are still in debt and can't seem to create a savings account or a college fund. And the children part, well, I can't really control that but it does add some increasing pressure and sadness to our lives that we can't seem to get another one.

So my point of this very depressing post is this: How do you adjust your expectations without feeling like you are settling for less than you deserve?

I am working very hard on focusing on the big picture. My husband has a successful business so one day it should make us some better money right? My son is amazing and smart and super good looking and he gets to live with his mom and his dad every single day. Although my marriage isn't what I expected, it does make me happy most days and my son deserves a family.

So I'm thinking I have some small piece in the happiness puzzle. I mean, if there's some object or person disappointing you constantly, you could probably give that up. But this is my life! I can't just quit it. I just have to find a way to fine tune it I suppose.